I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
