...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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