i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
