i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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