My hand turned me down
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
