Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
