May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
