My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
