420 ftw
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
