well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
