fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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