Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
