i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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