omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
