distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
