420 ftw
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This toilet bowl is my home.
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