I think I died a long time ago.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
