I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
