HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
