sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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