matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
