Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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