You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize