I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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