Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
