i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
