the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
