Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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