He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
