Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
