She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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