Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are a genius and a whore.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
