After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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