So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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