We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
