i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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