Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
