Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
