recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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