Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
