What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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