We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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