I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
