Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
