Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize