I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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