So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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