I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize