There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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