somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
