we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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