Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
