Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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