In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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