Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
