The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So vagazzling was a success
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
