i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
