I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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