I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
