Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
