I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
