The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
