The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
