I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
