He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
