I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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