everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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