I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
