Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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