I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
