I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
