the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize